NO SHIT WHY I QUIT

A lot of people ask 'Why?' Why I decided to close.

Business was doing ok. With a rockin' amount of oh-so awesome supporters-followers-friends. Doing pretty nicely sales wise. Not ever going to be a mega-famous-awesome-in-every-household-a-gazillion-insta-followers-super brand. Nope. And that was a-ok. 

Simply. There were four main reasons I chose to shut up shop. 
Mr Perfect. Mini. Frey Frey. Me.

I started Captain + Co. as a little something something to keep a little bit of 'me' while being a stay-at-home mum. You know. The 'me' before babes. With a job that involved grown ups. And a little something something to bring in a bit of cash so I could stay at home and watch my babes grow. But it all became too much.

I became a bit of a stressed-out-trying-to-get-orders-out-the-door-come-up-with-new-ideas-designing-hand-cutting-hand-sewing-hand-pomming-errrythang-crazy lady. It began to take over the 'me' I was trying to keep.

I felt like I was neglecting my babes. My husband. Me. Sigh. Yup. I was totally neglecting the housework. The cooking. The cleaning. The ironing. Ha. Who am I kidding. I never iron.

The pressure to post. The pressure to sell. The pressure to be liked. The pressure to get likes. The pressure to be different. To be original. To be up beat. To be the best. To be popular. Heck. I was getting about like a headless chook with my panties in a twist. Total. Stress. Head.

Plus... I'm not going to lie. The insta 'game'. The haters. The mean girls. The copy cats. The downright asses. They wore me down. Some days a little. Some days a lot.

I thought my fellow Mumma's were meant to be all cakes cuppas cuddles and kindness. Talk about how awesome our kids are. Most are. But some. Not so much.

Business. It can be a little brutal. Bitching. Bullying. Belittling. Comparing. Judging. Teasing. Gossiping. Competition is fierce. Copycats can be disheartening. Heck. Like what the actual feck.

I like to try and keep it light hearted. Keep it real. Keep it kind. I also overthink things. I get hurt easily. I'm not tough. I'm super emotional. And I take things to heart. Way too much. 

I wanted to raise the white flag. And retreat to a 'safe zone'. I wanted to be the best 'me'. For my sanity. My happiness. My health. My family. I wanted to not let the ugh-moments get to me. To stop the self doubt. The anxiety. The tears.

Oh the tears. There had been far too many. For all the wrong reasons. When I should have been smiling. Too many heart breaks. Over felt and poms. Seriously. When I should have been celebrating. Too many go-away-mini-raised-voice afternoons because I was 'too busy'. When I should have been cuddling her. Too many missed magical moments with my babes. When I should have been in those moments. Too many crazy lady post office runs. When I should have been enjoying the park runs with my babes. 

The before-babes-before-stay-at-home-mum-life part of 'me' I thought I was trying to keep... was becoming the worst part of me. My need to succeed. To be the best. To be in business. To make money. To make sales. To be popular. To be liked. Ugh. It was all consuming. And it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair on my big and little babes. Or on me. 

I needed to find a happy balance. I needed to have time for my babes. For my husband. For me. I needed to remember how to breathe. And actually enjoy each day. Stress free.

So finally... I made one of the toughest decisions. I stopped making. I stopped designing. I stopped thinking business. I just stopped. And it kinda felt good. 

I'm still struggling to let go completely. But I'm winding down the making. Just a few sneaky collaborations. A couple of cheeky custom orders. And I have started this blog. To still support. To still share. To still have a voice. To write. But on my terms. My hours. And when it feels right.

I'm still trying to find a happy balance. Yup. But I'm enjoying down time with my loves. Heck yes. I'm learning to know when to back off. And not get overwhelmed. I'm remembering to stop. And breath. Dang. It feels good. Phew.

Big Love
x

PS THANK YOU to all my rockin' guuurls-supporters-followers-friends who pick me up, shake me down, dust me off, fire me up and support me in every way everyday. Without you I wouldn't have made it as far as I did.  As I have. Y'all so bad ass.